Having my hair coloured has become an epic three hour production with two coffee breaks and only luke-warm reviews. It does, however, enable me to dribble over those gorgeous home porn magazines; you know the ones I mean – you spend the best part of £5 to feel totally humiliated by other people’s hand-blown glass splash-backs, basement gyms and kettles which cost more than your car.
Last w
eek I picked up an old copy of Sarah Beeny’s At Home* magazine (*sadly no more). It’s a bit of a self-advertisement vehicle for Ms Beeny who – as befits a multi-tasking, multi-business owning entrepreneur – has a hand on virtually every page. She edits it, writes most of the articles and then appears as they major interviewee/resident expert in the articles she doesn’t write. I don’t care…I love her and all those no-nonsense property advice shows including Sarah’s seminal series – Property Ladder – in which she donned a hard hat and marched through building sites seemingly oblivious of her multiple pregnancies (in spite of appearances Sarah has only four children – not 22).
One of Sarah’s articles was one of those ‘do this but don’t do that‘ tomes. It was all very well-meaning advice on how to add lots of value to your property if you’ve an eye to selling it on and, conversely, how some choices may devalue your home. I couldn’t really steal the magazine from my hairdresser but I do recall the positives included;-
- wooden flooring
- re-decorating but only in light and bright – your home leaches value every time your hand alights on puce coloured paint apparently
- new windows
- landscaped garden
- modern bathroom
Buyers are not so keen on;
- coloured carpets
- garage conversions
- chandeliers
- swimming pools
- leopard print wallpapers etc
She may be my property guru but Sarah needs to get with the programme as beige/greige wall are out and – while no one saying put a big cat print on your walls – traditional, vintage-inspired wall-paper is back.
Whether its Art and Crafts design from the 1860s or vibrant, geometric patterns from the 1960s…we all want a feature wall(s). While I half-suspect Sarah Beeny would love my bedroom as it’s vanilla, it’s also boring. Bearing in mind Sarah’s warning that ‘funky’ wallpaper could kill any future home sale, I am going ahead.
But what to buy?
With Sarah’s imaginary though disapproving voice in my head, I offer my top ten picks in bedroom wallpapers and her probable reaction….
- Sanderson Chestnut Tree
Price; £119 per roll
Jolly Volley says: “Sanderson market this wallpaper as a ‘joyous walk through nature’. I am not sure my hubby and I conjure up much joy on getting up for work on those cold winter mornings but who knows what wonderful feelings a bit of chestnut tree blossom on the wall will kindle…he may turn to me at 5am and say ‘that modern twist on a traditional wallpaper has quite set me for the day ahead’.”
Sarah Beeny may say: ‘Blossom and leaves? It’s a bedroom not Kew Gardens. Remember what I said about neutral; the only chestnuts allowed in the home should be in the stuffing you put in your partridge’s backside at Christmas’.
2. William Morris & Co, Bramble Wallpaper, £125 per roll
Jolly Volley says: “Look before you paste. I ordered this as a tiny swatch from the John Lewis website and – as a little square – it looked subtle and elegantly period. On seeing a bigger picture on the website (see above), the bramble briar print is very Victorian parlour and about as subtle as a poke in the eye with a walking cane. It’s the sort of paper you’d put in a room in which to take tea with a sharp-tongued maiden aunt who disapproves of your children. As for those riotous leaves, I can imagine hubby finding it a little oppressive.
Sarah Beeny may say: ‘When in doubt – neutral decor is the preferred option. Avoid making any changes you may regret later on and, unless you know Sir Arthur Conan Doyle is coming for a viewing, steer clear of period wallpapers which scream ‘eye’s down for the seance’.
3. Sanderson Florrie Pebble
Jolly Volley says: “There’s something a little hand-stamped about this – as though one of those card-making bods has come round to ‘tart-up’ your spartan abode with her ink ‘n’ wood-cut set. I must confess to a feeling a bit let down by it in reality; it’s the coward’s wallpaper. The wallpaper equivalent of a wall-flower. For people who want wallpaper…but then again, don’t. Hubby really, really liked this one.
Sarah Beeny may say: ‘This is a little apologetic. If you are going to go for it then go for it, you wallpapering freak you….”
Price: £128 per roll.
Jolly Volley says: “This vibrant 1960s inspired paisley print would look good in a traditional 1930s semi’ in Swindon and yet it’s happening enough to grace a luxury apartment in Chelsea harbour.
This swirly, curly pattern is an interior decorator’s dream…here’s a wallpaper that punches above its weight and a little goes a long way. Hubby would no doubt like it – he had a paisley print gown way back in the 80s.
Sarah Beeny probably says: ‘Are you flogging a sixties pent-house which once belonging to Twiggy? No? Unless you are Twiggy – large prints and short skirts are to be avoided at all costs.’
5. Little Greene Paint Company, Bedford Square, £95, John Lewis
Jolly Volley says: “Okay, so it’s a bit of a Laura Ashley throw-back but I am not one who chucked out the chintz with the lavender scented bathwater. Hubby approved of this leafy option pronouncing it ‘visible’ in a sea of other similar swatches. Praise indeed.”
Sarah Beeny probably says: ‘It’s hardly what I’d call neutral but it is Little Greene darling, so I’ll forgive you.’
6. William Morris Daisy Wallpaper
Price: On sale for £94.40 a roll from Wallpaper Direct
Jolly Volley says: “Another period classic from William Morris. Inspired by Medieval illustrations; this is one of the first wallpapers to be produced by the company. It was developed after Morris added some naively drawn daisies to his wall-hangings. What is amazing is how contemporary it looks and you also realise how much ‘inspiration’ (flagrant copying) of the William Morris aesthetic has gone on ever since. If you were to choose this as a paper then you could brag to your friends that it features ranunculuses. My hubby would find this all a bit twee – and yet he’d love the history.”
Sarah Beeny probably says: ‘If you are marketing your home to one of those TV/film companies re-making a Miss Marple – great. Otherwise steer clear of ranunculuses…they may sound posh but they are still weeds.’
7. Halo Flower, by MissPrint, price: £100 per roll.
Jolly Volley says: “Inspired by an Australian Gum Blossom, that twist of pink (is it a thumb print?) in what feels like a piece of 60s artwork would really put a spring in my step.”
Sarah Beeny may say; ‘If you want to see blossom, go to the park. I thought you’d gone mad with the daisies.’
8. Cow Parsley by Cole & Son, Price £128 per roll
Jolly Volley says: “I have a thing about cow parsley. We live on a country lane (yes, I am bragging) and the hedgerows are often full of it. I was so inspired by this simple print, I hand-painted a copy of it onto the doors of a Victorian cupboard – single-handedly ruining the value of a beautiful antique. Sufficient to say I am not William Morris.”
Sarah Beeny may say: ‘The cow parsley is in the hedge for a reason; leave it there!’
9. Sanderson Tally Ho Wallpaper
Price: £81 per roll from Jane Clayton
Jolly Volley says: “Yes, I know it’s probably not politically correct to celebrate hunting but, did I mention I live in the country and it is the venue for the famous Meynell Hunt (think King Charles in jodhpurs if you dare). I hate the idea of hunting and all who ride with it…but the fashions, colours and the ephemera do call me; not as loud as a mating fox but – loud enough. Whether blood-sports would work in a bedroom is something to ponder. As for hubby, it would be just another thing to give him night terrors.”
Sarah Beeny probably says; ‘Has sniffing wallpaper glue caused you to lose your mind? Can you imagine a vegan, left-wing, recycled bag-carrying person coming to view your house – no, neither can I.’
10. Mini Moderns We Had Everything wallpaper, £55 per roll
Jolly Volley says: “So here’s a glimpse of the room which started my frenzy for wallpaper. The former master bedroom of one Miss Mustard Seed aka Marion Parsons – just about the most skilful furniture painter to have speckled a pie larder. It was her deep blue and white Delph pottery coloured paper which got my juices flowing and made me terribly tired of having Dulux Chalk Blush Number 4 on my bedroom wall. I cannot find an exact match but Mini Moderns (below) is pretty close. Hubby would probably rather find this blue and white colour scheme on a side-plate but there you have it – he’s conservative with a capital ‘M’ for Magnolia.
Sarah Beeny probably says: “I can see you’re not going to drop this are you? So stop jawing, stick your hard hat on and just get on with it.”
Conclusion
After much deliberation. I went for…..
And do you know, I think my guru Sarah would approve. If you are thinking of selling your house or you are a property developer then it pays to stay plain. If not, then I refer you to an article of Sarah’s in which she outlines her design rules.
‘If you see a look you love then I would 100% encourage (you) to go for it. Don’t be scared, just totally commit to it. If you like a style but bottle it and start to do a watered-down version of it then it will end up looking rubbish.
‘Go hard or go home.’
