Having my hair coloured has become an epic three hour production with two coffee breaks and only luke-warm reviews. It does, however, enable me to dribble over those gorgeous home porn magazines; you know the ones I mean – you spend the best part of £5 to feel totally humiliated by other people’s hand-blown glass splash-backs, basement gyms and kettles which cost more than your car.
Last w
eek I picked up an old copy of Sarah Beeny’s At Home magazine. It’s a bit of a self-advertisement vehicle for Ms Beeny who – as befits a multi-tasking, multi-business owning entrepreneur – has a hand on virtually every page. She edits it, writes most of the articles and then appears as they major interviewee/resident expert in the articles she doesn’t write. I don’t care…I love her and all those no-nonsense property advice shows including Sarah’s seminal series – Property Ladder – in which she donned a hard hat and marched through building sites seemingly oblivious of her multiple pregnancies (in spite of appearances Sarah has only four children – not 22).
One of Sarah’s articles was one of those ‘do this but don’t do that‘ tomes. It was all very well meaning advice on how to add lots of value to your property and, conversely, how to take it away. I couldn’t really steal the magazine from my hairdresser but I do recall the positives included;-
- wooden flooring
- re-decorating but only in light and bright – your home leaches value every time your hand alights on puce coloured paint apparently
- new windows
- landscaped garden
- modern bathroom
Buyers are not so keen on;
- carpets
- garage conversions
- chandeliers
- swimming pools
- leopard print wallpapers etc
She may be my property guru but Sarah needs to get with the programme as traditional, vintage-inspired wall-paper is back.
Whether its Art and Crafts design from the 1860s or vibrant, geometric patterns from the 1960s…we all want a feature wall. While I half-suspect Sarah Beeney would love my bedroom as it’s vanilla, it’s also boring. Bearing in mind Sarah’s warning that ‘funky’ wallpaper could kill any future home sale, I am going ahead.
But what to buy.
With Sarah’s imaginary though disapproving voice in my head, I offer my top ten picks in bedroom wallpapers and her probable reaction….
Sanderson Chestnut Tree Price; £95 per roll
Jolly Volley says: “Sanderson market this wallpaper as a ‘joyous walk through nature’. I am not sure my hubby and I conjure up much joy on getting up for work on those cold winter mornings but who knows what wonderful feelings a bit of chestnut tree blossom on the wall will kindle…he may turn to me at 5am and say ‘that modern twist on a traditional wallpaper has quite set me for the day ahead’.”
Sarah Beeny may say: ‘Blossom and leaves? It’s a bedroom not Kew Gardens. Remember what I said about neutral; the only chestnuts allowed in the home should be in the stuffing you put in your partridge’s backside at Christmas’.
William Morris Garden Craft, Duck Egg
Price: £87.20 per roll
Jolly Volley says: “Look before you paste. I found this as a paper swatch on John Lewis website and it looked subtle, ethereal and elegantly period. On seeing a picture, it looks very Victorian – but about as subtle as a poke in the eye with a walking cane. It’s the sort of paper you’d put in a room in which to perform taxidermy or summon the dead. I can imagine hubby finding it a little oppressive.
Sarah Beeny may say: ‘When in doubt – neutral decor is the preferred option. Avoid making any changes you may regret later on and, unless you know Sir Arthur Conan Doyle is coming for a viewing, steer clear of period wallpapers which scream ‘seance’.
Sanderson Florrie wallpaper, pebble
Price; £63.20 per roll
Jolly Volley says: “There’s something a little hand-stamped about this – as though one of those card-making bods has come round to ‘tart-up’ your spartan abode with her ink ‘n’ wood-cut set. I must confess to a feeling a bit let down by it in reality; it’s the coward’s wallpaper. The wallpaper equivalent of a wall-flower. For people who want wallpaper…but then again, don’t. Hubby really, really liked this one.
Sarah Beeny may say: ‘Go for it, you wallpapering freak you….”
Price: £96.80 per roll.
Jolly Volley says: “This vibrant 1960s inspired paisley print would look good in a traditional 1930s semi’ in Swindon and yet it’s happening enough to grace a luxury apartment in Chelsea harbour.
This swirly, curly pattern is an interior decorator’s dream…here’s a wallpaper that punches above its weight and a little goes a long way. Hubby would no doubt like it – he had a paisley print gown way back in the 80s.
Sarah Beeny probably says: ‘Are you flogging a sixties pent-house which once belonging to Twiggy? No? Unless you are Twiggy – large prints and short skirts are to be avoided at all costs.’
Little Greene Paint Company, Bedford Square, £82, John Lewis
Jolly Volley says: “Okay, so it’s a bit of a Laura Ashley throw-back but I am not one who chucked out the chintz with the lavender scented bathwater. Hubby approved of this leafy option pronouncing it ‘visible’ in a sea of other similar swatches. Praise indeed.”
Sarah Beeny probably says: ‘It’s hardly what I’d call neutral but it is Little Greene darling, so I’ll forgive you.’
William Morris Daisy Wallpaper
Price: On sale for £89.25 a roll from Wallpaper Direct
Jolly Volley says: “Another period classic from William Morris. Inspired by Medieval illustrations; this is one of the first wallpapers to be produced by the company. It was developed after Morris added some naively drawn daisies to his wall-hangings (a little better than a toddler would do on your walls methinks). What is amazing is how contemporary it looks in the bedroom above…and it lets you know how much ‘inspiration’ (flagrant copying) of the William Morris look has gone on since then. If you were to choose this as a paper then you could brag to your friends that it features ranunculuses. My hubby would find this all a bit twee – and yet he’d love the history.”
Sarah Beeny probably says: ‘If you are marketing your home to one of those TV/film companies re-making a Miss Marple – great. Otherwise steer clear of ranunculuses…they may sound posh but they are still weeds.’
Misprint Leaves, Absinthe, John Lewis, price: £83 per roll.
Jolly Volley says: “Little leaves will bring a light, bright and subtle touch to any room. Your pet panda will love it.”
Sarah Beeny may say; ‘If you want to see leaves, go to the park. I thought you’d gone mad with the daisies.’
Price £25 per roll
Jolly Volley says: “I have a thing about cow parsley. We live on a country lane (yes, I am bragging) and the hedgerows are often full of it. I was so inspired by this simple print, I hand-painted a copy of it onto the doors of a Victorian cupboard – single-handedly ruining the value of a beautiful antique. Sufficient to say I am not William Morris.”
Sarah Beeny may say: ‘The cow parsley is in the hedge for a reason; leave it there!’
Sanderson Tally Ho Wallpaper
Price: £63.20 per roll from Jane Clayton
Jolly Volley says: “Yes, I know it’s probably not politically correct to celebrate hunting but, did I mention I live in the country and it is the venue for the famous Meynell Hunt (think King Charles in jodhpurs if you dare). I hate the idea of hunting and all who ride with it…but the fashions, colours and the ephemera do call me; not as loud as a mating fox but – loud enough. Whether blood-sports would work in a bedroom is something to ponder. As for hubby, it would be just another thing to give him night terrors.”
Sarah Beeny probably says; ‘Has sniffing wallpaper glue caused you to lose your mind? Can you imagine a vegan, left-wing, recycled bag carrying person coming to view your house – no, neither can I.’
Mini Moderns We Had Everything wallpaper
Price: £55 per roll.
Jolly Volley says: “So here’s a glimpse of the room which started it all. The former master bedroom of one Miss Mustard Seed aka Marion Parsons – just about the most skilful furniture painter to have speckled a pie larder. It was her deep blue and white Delph pottery coloured paper which got my juices flowing and made me terribly tired of having Dulux Chalk Blush Number 4 on my bedroom wall. I cannot find an exact match but Mini Moderns (from John Lewis) is pretty close. Hubby would probably rather find this blue and white colour scheme on a side-plate but there you have it – he’s conservative with a capital ‘m’ for magnolia.
Sarah Beeny probably says: “I can see you’re not going to drop this are you? So stop jawing, stick your hard hat on and just get on with it.”
Conclusion
After much deliberation. I went for
And do you know, I think my guru Sarah would approve. After all, she famously says ‘If you have taste in bucket loads – go for it’ (feature in Prima).’
